A Slice of Life

“If you can dream it, you can do it. Always remember that this whole thing was started with a dream and a mouse.” ~ Walt Disney. That’s the man who gave the world the Magic of Disney. Generations of children were entertained, and honestly, I believe even after they have grown up, the magic remained with them. It is family friendly and can be quite educational.

Every one of us has a dream. Some may have forgotten that they once had it, while others shelved it when they grew up and became busy in life making a living for themselves and their family. There are those who relentlessly pursue their dreams and also those who continued dreaming but never quite come close to living their dream.

Is the man wrong when he proclaimed that dreams can be achieved? No, Walt Disney is not wrong. Indeed, if you can dream of something, you can indeed do it.

So, why can’t some of those who pursue their dreams seem to produce the results? There are many reasons and it is impossible to really address all of them. But allow me to address three broad categories of people who may have dreamt their dreams but do not quite come close to living them.

The first group is the drama kings and queens. They live in a world of dramatic twists and turns, often derailing them from their course. Emotions run their lives. When things are well, the smiles brighten up but when the chips are down, their moods change with them. They get angry with people who offend them, crying at the slightest disappointment, blaming others when things go wrong.

Then, there is another category that fusses over many things and become distracted. They are very thorough and detailed but miss the big picture when it matters. They fret over every possible detail, often asking what’s in it for them before they would spend a dime or make an extra effort. They tend to sweat over small stuff in life.

The third group is the “problem” people. Not that they are problematic but they tend to magnify their problems. Everyone runs into challenges but instead of focusing on solutions, they stared at the problems and sink their feet deeper. The danger is that they may over analyze and become paralyzed by the mountain of issues, plummeting further in dramatic proportion.

Avoid the drama, don’t sweat over small stuff and be solution focused. Do not get me wrong: there will always be emotions, there will be facts and information you need to manage for success and problems will find you en route to the destination. But when these rain on you and start to flood your world, you need to stay afloat and above the waterline.

More than that, to move ahead, you need a good voyage plan so that you can steer your vessel toward your destination. It’s important that you have a dream. But having one without actions may turn out to be just what it is – a dream.

You need to turn your dream into a vision. You can write it down, draw a picture or create a symbol to constantly remind you of it. That’s only the start. To translate it into reality, you need to make plans and take practical actions to move toward the dream.

Those who succeed and live or approximate their dreams are people with vision and plans with practical actions to realise them.

No one can promise you that there will not be any trials and challenges, or that you can ease through without looking at details, or that there will not be any dramatic plot waiting.

But if you can dream it, stay above the waterline with planning and vision, and get past the drama, details and problems in life, you will definitely make it.

Remember that when you reach for the stars, you will not end up with a handful of dirt but if you let problems, details and drama roll you on the ground then your body will be covered with dust.

Start with a dream…

Brandon P.
160511

It was the lunch hour and I was sitting alone in the waiting area of the medical center when a man came in with his teenage son (probably 14-15 years of age). The young chap was working his iphone telling his dad how he could set the timer to ring 15 minutes later. I wondered silently why he would need to show off his gadget when obviously his dad wasn’t looking and feeling very well.

The next moment, I overheard him quoting a bible verse apparently to encourage his dad. I stole a glance and could see the man slightly smiling, too weak maybe for a broad grin. His son explained that he had downloaded a free e-bible from the apps store. I didn’t remember what was it that he quoted for his dad but he seemed reassuring with a constant cheer in his voice.

I didn’t notice he went away until the teenager came back with a nursing assistant. He had asked for a robe from the changing cubicle next to where his dad was sitting, the kind that patient changed into for medical scan. His dad was feeling cold and wore the short-sleeved robe with the permission. But he was still feeling cold with uncovered arms. The son took another robe and placed it over his dad’s arms.

A little while later, the man was feeling sleepy and his son asked him to lean his side on the changing cubicle for firmer support. The patient was unsure if the cubicle is steady. His son pushed the wall hard and affirmed that it was strong enough before asking his dad to rest against it. Again, I saw the feeble smile on the man’s face but his eyes told of his comfort.

Sitting there I imagined how it was like 10-15 years ago for this pair.

I saw a baby in his mother’s arms and a doting father making faces to distract the little one while the nurse injected the infant. Then, in another time, there was the same father rushing into the A&E of a hospital with a boy in his arms, screaming for medical attention to the bloody little legs from a freak accident. Perhaps, it was paying off for him because the little boy has grown up to be a fine teenager.

Then, I imagined how it would be like 10-15 years later.

I saw a young man holding his dad by the elbow, guiding him to sit down on the chair before helping him with the registration at a clinic. Then, in another future time, the frail grey haired man sits upright on his bed with his grown up son patiently feeding him porridge. 

Back at the waiting room, the nursing assistant came to the father-son pair and asked if the patient had taken his second cup of water. Just then, the alarm from the iphone rang and the son replied that it was time. He left to get the glass of water. It was then that I realized that the teenager wasn’t showing off to his dad but setting the timer to remind him of his simple duty.

No, I did not have a crystal ball that gave me a glance of the pair’s past or the future. Just a fertile mind when I witnessed the heartwarming concerns which I thought not possible from a teenager. It is easy for us to prejudge based on appearances and the stereotypes in our minds. That was me when the father and son entered the waiting area.

But it did occur to me the roles reversal that might have taken place and could continue into the future as the teenager grows up into a fine young man. He was once a baby fully dependent on his parents from changing diapers to feeding. He would continue to be dependent (albeit less so now) for a later while longer until his mature years.

Very often, what parents sow when the children are young and growing up will be the harvest that they receive when these parents grow older. Yes, there are exceptions of neglected children who still looked after their parents in the later years, and well-loved ones who grew up abusing their old-aged parents. But they may have been grafted to a different tree by critical incidents in life to produce a different type of fruit, whether sweet or bitter.

What harvest do you want when the children grow up? When the roles are finally reversed, what can you expect from them?

The man at the medical center must have sowed well for he has begun to reap a good harvest. I also long for these fruits but as I continue to sow, I must also continue to bring the harvest to my aging father – my late mother would want that for him.

Tomorrow is ‘Qing Ming’ Sunday. I was reluctant at first but I am reminded of my duty by this teenager. Although I do not partake of the prayers and ceremonies, I will join my family and be with them, especially for my father’s sake. He may not understand my personal position on such matters but it should be some comfort to him that I come along.

Remembering and Performing My Roles…

Brandon P.
020411

“The right attitude will determine how far one goes in life.” This was the unintended message in a session I had with a group of youths earlier in the day. It was a simple activity planned to usher in the main thrust of my meeting with them, which was about learning strategies and acquiring techniques to improve their academic results. After all, this is the key purpose of their continuing education.

The 3-round activity had mixed responses from my young audience. The first round had a handful of ‘bystanders’ showing little interest. The second round saw a few dropped out, distracted in their own conversations or losing interest. The final round was disappointing with only a handful completing it. Throughout the activity, late comers strolled into the room and some leaving for their ‘toilet break’, missing the activity in part or completely.

It has been more than a month since the term started. The initial weeks had been an exciting period for all – making new friends in a new campus with more facilities that are bigger and better than the schools they came from. There are many CCAs to choose from, and there is almost always something happening on campus everyday to provide the distractions that often time wrongly competed with vital classroom workout.

With class assignments/tests and in-course assessments making their ‘unwelcomed intrusion’ increasingly felt, the reality is now sinking in. Those that kept their hunger remain focus. Others who are pursuing the promise of progress surge forward in the hope of doing well. There is the concern that some are starting to lose the initial momentum, perhaps distracted by a vibrant campus life that is threatening to dislodge their attention.

The upcoming in-course assessments are their first hurdle and it is important that they start on this journey on the right note. The simple activity earlier in the day was an opener to share some simple learning strategies and techniques to get them going, perhaps making that small improvement to encourage themselves.

But that was not to be.  As the unintended message rang repeatedly in my head for the rest of the day, I wished it didn’t happen – not because the lack of personal conviction but that it would have been great if they didn’t need to hear it in the first place. Something stirred within me at that session and the words just fell out of my mouth.

“There will be some in this class who will do very well. They are like those who persevered in this activity and see progressive improvements at the end of it. 

There will be those who do well but missed out on better results. They are like those who stopped after the first or second round, distracted or simply not wanting to make the extra effort. 

There will be those who can probably make the grade. They are like the bystanders with intermittent observation of the going-on but yet not gaining much due to the lack of participation in the activity.

Yet, there will be those who will underperform. They are like those who turn up late, left the room or simply did not show up. They have little or no idea of the purpose of the activity.”

This is no prophecy but the hard truth is that the differing attitudes will determine who are distributed into what categories above. The right attitude will determine how well they will do and if they could outperform themselves. This course is not the ultimate prize in life because there are opportunities beyond and the right attitude will determine how far they go in their lives.

In life, there will be distractions and challenges. The environment you are in may not be in your favor all the time. The people around you may not be encouraging, some of them in stern opposition to you. The circumstances facing you may seem stubborn, and the problems like unmovable mountains.

No matter what, you can still overcome them for the outcome you want but something needs to happen from within. You need to change and adopt the right attitude and the circumstances will start to change.

Having good learning strategies and acquiring techniques to improve academic performance will not optimize the outcome if the attitude is not right. Having good life strategies and acquiring life skills will not bring success in life unless the attitude is right.

Make the change and embrace the right attitude. It’s your responsibility. It’s your choice. It’s your decision.

Right Your Attitude, Ride in Life…

Brandon P.
230211

What’s the difference between a thermostat and a thermometer? That was a question put to a youth I spoke to just last week. He and his friends around him knew the difference.

A thermostat is a device for regulating the temperature of a system so that the temperature is maintained near a desired set-point temperature. On the other hand, a thermometer is a device that measures temperature or its surroundings. It has two important elements: a ‘sensor’ that detects physical change occurring with temperature, plus some means of converting this physical change into a value.

What will you choose to be?

Do you want to be a thermostat that regulates and affects the surrounding temperature, or a thermometer that reacts to the surrounding temperature? Do you want to be someone who influences the people in your surroundings? Or, do you want to be someone who is tossed back and forth by the wave, blown here and there by every wind of crafty teaching and deceitful scheming?

That was the question that I put to the young man. I didn’t get a straight answer but am hopeful that it would set him thinking. However, upon reflection, I didn’t complete the analogy.

It is not enough to be a thermostat, ie someone who regulates and affects others around him/her. What’s the use of being a thermostat if it is not set at the right temperature? I have seen ‘thermostats’ that are set at the wrong temperature. Some of them are found at home, others in school and later in life, at the workplace or marketplace.

Parents and siblings who are in the position to influence other family members have known to misguide those with blood relations. ‘Friends’ in school, and unfortunately black sheep among the teaching staff, may also have an inappropriate set-point temperature. Colleagues or business associates can lead dangerously in the wrong path.

Generally speaking, it is better to be a ‘thermostat’ then to be tossed about by the wave and blown around by the force of the wind. But what is more important is that ‘thermostats’ find the right ‘set-point temperature’. It is critical that people in the position to influence and impact lives acquire the right values and beliefs.

Some gets the feeding from religion, others have mentor who imparts religiously their values and beliefs. Yet, there are also some who catch these in life’s trials. Whether it’s the highway or through the mountain roads, as long as the ‘set-point temperature’ approximates the right path for those surrounding, one can be an effective thermostat.

We can’t be ‘thermostat’ all our lives but there will be times when we are placed in such position. And when we are not, we need to consider carefully whose footsteps we should follow in, who we should learn from. It is easy to be a follower and it is not wrong to be one. But, don’t get into the wrong room and pick up the inappropriate ‘temperature’ – don’t fall into the wrong company and be misled!

Whether as a developing adult or already a mature one, we need to constantly learn the values and build the right beliefs for application when we are in the position to influence and impact lives around us.

We may not get to choose when we may come under situations that makes us followers, but where possible, be sure that we are in the right company. Even so, eat the meat and throw away the bones. You can choose the right values and beliefs to pick up.

Setting the Temperature and being in the Right Room…

Brandon P.
120211

BGR has always been an uneasy subject for me, whether as a teenager or in my adult years. It wasn’t my strong area, having grown up in an environment where it was not encouraged. Yes, my parents didn’t think that I should pursue it in my developing years, and when I entered adulthood, I wasn’t particularly adept at this.

But this subject cropped up last Friday and again this week. I was on the other side of the fence, this time giving my two cents worth on the subject. Yet, I didn’t quite deliver…I had more to say but just couldn’t find the right words or maybe the boldness to talk about it.

BGR, for those unfamiliar, is Boy-Girl-Relationship.

Earlier today, I read a facebook posting that sounded like he (keeping him anonymous) has just broken up with a special someone. On impulse, I posted the following comment: “It takes courage to hold on but more courage to let go. Sometimes, letting go means freeing up your hands to receive new and better things…”

This reminded me of a conversation with some young ladies in school last Friday. One of them had fallen out of a BGR and had trouble letting go. She was open about the situation and spoke freely about how she felt curiously upset when her ex-boyfriend went into into a new relationship shortly after they had broken-up. Obviously, there was some hurt although much was said with veiled laughter.

Early this week, I heard that things had gotten a little worse as the breakup had affected a few friendships they used to share. I had no words of wisdom for the situation. I wished I’d told her what I wrote today in the facebook about letting go. It’s easier said than to do it but this is probably what she needed to do.

This leads me to reflect on my weaker subject of BGR. It’s not about how to let go of a failed relationship (although I have an opinion) but about not jumping into a relationship until you are sure.

Well, it may be elementary for you but allow me to explore this question: “How does one know if the other is the right person?” And regarding this, let’s learn from the ways of the eagles. I admire these majestic creatures and have learnt some things from them. Here it goes.

An eagle tests before it trusts and commits. When a female eagle meets an interested male, she flies down to earth with the male pursuing and she picks a twig. She flies back into the air with her pursuer and once she has reached a certain height, she drops the twig and watches as it falls. The male chases after the twig until he reaches it, catching it before it falls to the ground, then bring it back to the female eagle.

The female eagle grabs the twig and flies to a much higher altitude pursued by the male, and then drops the twig for the male to chase. This goes on for hours, with the height increasing until she is assured that the male eagle has ‘mastered the art of picking the twig’ which shows commitment, then and only then, will she trust and allow him to mate with her!

What lesson can we draw from this ritual? Well, until you are sure that the other party knows and demonstrates commitment, do not jump into a serious relationship. Unlike the ritual by the eagles, the process may take months, if not years for many but it is worth the wait. The tests may also take several forms in different situations.

But even when you are satisfied that there is commitment, don’t be like the eagles and start mating. While I admire the kings of the sky, we do not belong to the animal or bird kingdom. If a relationship can take the test of commitment, it can also wait for the climatic act of love which is ‘making union’ within the holy institution of marriage.

Does this mean that only guys get tested? Well, in modern days the pursuers could be the women in some relationships. Honestly, whether the pursuer is the male or the female, the need for the testing process is not a one-sided affair. Both parties must eventually understand and demonstrate commitment to the relationship. Then and only then, there is a high chance that it will last.

Eagles are faithful birds. They have only one life partner and they mate for life. Do you want to have that kind of relationship that will last a lifetime through courtship and eventually marriage? It is better to take time to test instead of rushing into a relationship and fail.

In a relationship where there is trust and commitment, letting go is no longer a painful outcome waiting to happen. In such a relationship, when one lets go some times, the other will be there to catch it and make the relationship even stronger.

Taking Flight Lessons in BGR…

Brandon P.
260111

Are you a fan of ‘The Amazing Race’? I am not a great fan but I did catch some episodes when it aired on TV, time permitting.

It is a reality show with competitors racing in pairs around the world. The competitors will be put through a number of obstacles and challenges before racing to the pit stop where the last team to arrive may be eliminated. The final three teams will then race one another to the finish line for the USD1 mil.

In a recent conversation with some youths, one of them shared how he regretted not putting enough effort when he was in secondary school and now he lagged behind his younger cousins who had taken a faster track to the Polytechnic. He probably feared not making it at all to higher level of studies. In our discussion, we likened life to be a series of races which prompted me later to post on my Facebook for recent graduands in my friend list:

“ Graduation marks the beginning of a new phase in life…what ever it is, life is like an amazing race with many pit stops and if you don’t give up, you will never be eliminated! Run the amazing race for an amazing life ahead. At the final pit stop, you will be richer in an amazing way!”

How is ‘The Amazing Race’ a mirror of life? Not really. The show is a competition with rules designed to eliminate teams throughout the journey with the sole purpose of crowning a champion team for TV! But then again, in some ways it does…life is indeed like a series of races with challenges and obstacles that we must overcome before we reach a certain pit stop or milestone.

And when we reach each milestone in life, we get ready for the next leg of the race where new challenges and obstacles await us. However, unlike the reality TV show, in this amazing race called ‘life’, we may be running the race with some teams in one leg of the race, we may not continue the next with the same teams. At some point, our upcoming destination may change and we may be racing with other new teams.

Very often we are told that there are only one or two paths to success. We slowly believe that as truth and forget that there are other possible paths. Many times, we are placed on a race (paper chase or the rat race) and told that unless we qualify for a certain next race track, we are losers! So when we do not move on with the others, we beat ourselves up and lose steam for life.

But it is simply not true that there are only one or two roadmaps to become a winner in life! The champions on the real amazing race called ‘life’ are those who press on to reach a milestone, qualifying and looking beyond for the next leg of the race, which ever route they are given. We do not need to be fitted into a mould and certainly do not need to restrict our paths ahead!

Does anyone get eliminated in this race we call ‘life’? The only way for that to happen is through self-elimination. I am not talking about the tragic termination of physical life that results from accidents, self-inflicted acts, sicknesses or diseases but referring to the surrender of the spirit when we say “we give up”. In life, as long as we don’t give up and raise the white flag, we will not be eliminated because there are many paths (options) we can take.

For the young man and many others who might feel the regret of lagging behind other individuals in the race called ‘life’, I can only say this : “Don’t give up! The race is not over yet.” At some point, if you don’t surrender, you may just catch up with those who went to the Polytechnics or even the Universities. But remember, in life there are many different routes that lead to different destinations that could have an even better outcome for you.

Are you running your amazing race well?

If you are, keep it up.

If you have stumbled a little or did not do as well in earlier legs, have your chin up and give your best for the next leg of your amazing race.

If you haven’t really run the race or had failed at some stage, you can start your amazing race now or restart it because in the rule book of this race called ‘life’, you are the one who determine if you can have another chance just like you are the only one who can eliminate yourself from the race.

What are you choosing today? To run your amazing race or self-elimination?

This race never really ends until our time on earth is up but when we run each leg of the race the best that we can, we will be able to look back with satisfaction knowing that we are better off than when we first started.

Run Your Amazing Race for an Amazing Life Ahead…

Brandon Pek
180111

The sixteen year old arrived early for this ‘O’ level Social Studies examination on November 8, and 13 minutes before the start of the examination, he took out his Blackberry and tweeted: “Do you dare bring a phone into examination hall and take a picture?” alongside a link to a picture of his exam paper.

He is still waiting on the decision of the Singapore Examinations and Assessment Board which hauled him in for questioning last Thursday. He did expressed regret for his actions when interviewed but yet, he felt the situation has been “blown out of proportion”.

One wonders if the board will have the will and courage to discipline the youth or will it agree with him under media or other pressure?

Just last week, in a special report on the ‘street gang and triad’ problem in Singapore, there was a side story of how the education system failed to check the ill-discipline of a youth who became involved in the recent Downtown East gang-related incident. The wayward youth had disciplinary issues including being caught with pocket knife and challenging his teachers.

When warned with a police report, he didn’t flinch because he knew that the principal wouldn’t allow that. He became more daring. In this case, the boy grew up and became what he ought not to be. Today, this youth is charged with murder because there was a lack of will and perhaps courage on the part of the principal to do the right thing.

The problem of street gangs and triads dominated the local news lately. First, the tragic death of a Polytechnic student at Downtown East in end-Oct, and about two weeks later, a rampage street gang terrorized the town of Bukit Panjang slashing and hurting strangers at random. There was another reported slashing incident in Ang Mo Kio.

For a long time, the focus has been on education with programs and activities run by schools and community organizations. Taking the education path is necessary but in my humble opinion, without the will and courage to enforce the needed discipline will wrongly embolden those errant youths.

Hence, it was welcomed news that the government is studying how police powers can be enhanced to prevent at-risk youth from forming or getting involved in gangs. But this should be the last resort, and these powers should be properly balanced and checked. Education should still be the primary path but with the willingness and courage to enforce discipline where necessary.

Education and enforcement must first start at home. Parents have the primary responsibility to teach the right values to the young ones and spare not the rod when the need arises, lest they go astray. They are best placed to love and administer tough love.

The schools and community organizations are important institutions in guiding the young minds as well. They are an extension of the home where the young learn life’s values in a safe environment and the hard lessons without (hopefully) having to face the full impact of the law as criminals in future. In the same way, the stewards in these ‘safety nets’ must have the will and courage to love and administer tough love when the need arises.

What has the sixteen year old in the ‘exam twitter’ case got to do with the strong arm of the law?

Well, pretty much. While the unchecked ‘gangster’ youth grew up and became involved in violent crime, the other if left unchecked may grow bolder and add to the statistics of white-collar crimes. It’s not a certainty…but do you sense a lack of repentance or are you agreeing that it is indeed “blown out of proportion”?

What’s the point of building the best trains if they are not placed on solid railroads to run on? Educating lives, especially the young ones, without the hook of discipline are like operating trains without the support and guidance of proper tracks – they are accident waiting to happen.

It is never easy to love but spare the rod and you will spoil the child.

Balancing Education with Discipline…

Brandon Pek
211110

Man is created a communal being. We are made to relate and live in relationships…legitimate ones, of course.

But there is a certain order of relationships that we ought to live by – certain relationship should take priority over others. I am not saying that latter ones should always take a backseat but that each type of relationship should be built on the foundation of the one preceding it.

So what is that order of relationship?

There will be differences in opinion from mine and I will not insist that they are incorrect. All of us will need to live out our lives according to the priorities that we set for ourselves in relationships. Here is mine and it is based on my view as a Christian.

The first order of relationship is one that is between Creator and man (referring to human beings). In my view, this was the basis and the primary reason behind creation. When man came into being, his chief relationship was not with the first woman created (she came a little later). At the beginning, it was the direct relationship with his Creator God that preceded others.

Next in place is the relationship between man and woman, the latter being the part that completed the male being when two become one in sacred union. This first marriage then was blessed by the Creator who gave the such relationship its full legitimacy sanctifying the union of man and woman in holy matrimony, as one entity.

Aren’t you glad that it was not a union between same genders that was consecrated? I am relieved that it was ‘Eve’ and not ‘Steve’ that came after Adam to establish that special union.

The third relationship is a compound one. It covers relationships in an extended unit called the family, primarily between parent and child, and between the children at home. Just as the strength of the union in matrimony feeds on the walk with the Creator, the bonds within the family will also draw on the depth of the love between the married couple.

My wife often propounded that when the children feel love in the family, they are less likely to try and find them in the wrong places. Indeed, it is the same for the forerunning relationship, from one’s spiritual walk to the marital union. Love is the thread that runs through these fabrics that keeps the relationship banners together.

But we need a healthy social life, so aren’t friendships important as well?

Nowhere have I said that it isn’t. Remember, I have also not said that one type of relationship is more important than another except that the strength of one depends on the security of the one(s) preceding it. But I do have an issue with the notion of friendship as it is referred to nowadays where everyone including someone we have just met at a party is a friend.

For me, the concept of friendship is a much deeper one. Friendship between two is established not in the exchange of name cards but through mutual understanding and acceptance of a solemn pledge built over time into a covenant.

The fifth type of relationship is that of a casual kind covering acquaintances in various arenas – from the classroom to workplace, the business association to social club – which are transactional in nature, falling short of the covenant that defines the preceding relationships. Casual relationships are formed out of common interests or circumstances and may over time develop into a covenant of friendship or for that man and woman who fall in love, holy matrimony.

Man is created a communal being. When relationships are well managed, there is a stability that anchors the soul, exerting a positive influence over the family unit and those that partake in them. Collectively, the web of such relationships will bring solidity to a community which in turn benefits the society at large.

But when relationships are in a mess, decline will set in slowly but surely, breaking down the fabric of the family, community and eventually, the social order. Restore relationships and lives will be repaired.

We can’t live the lives of others for them but can be a positive influence when we manage our relationships with them well. Do not undervalue the ripple effects such relationships may have, first in the lives of those important to us and reaching out to others through these connecting lives.

Are your relationships in the right order…and in order?

Managing my relationships, manage my life…

Brandon Pek
071110

Children are a blessing. Everyone needs to know that.

No matter what the world says about the inconveniences of having children, the challenges of raising them in this much complicated environment, or the sacrifices that parenthood pays whether financially or materially, I have only have one thing to say if these were indeed true: “They are well worth these and more…much more!”

In Singapore, we celebrate Children’s Day on 1st Oct every year. For the last 12 years, I have experienced the joy of the special day with two very special children (they are what my wife and I called “heaven’s treasures for the both of us”). In a way, we celebrate Children’s Day everyday but of course, the little ones wouldn’t let this chance for a gift to slip by, even if it is a token. But that’s part of the joy of being a child, i.e. to receive.

I don’t remember any of my Children’s Day when I was at those ages (yes, long, long time ago) and that’s because every day was carefree and every moment a chance to have a laugh. In a way, every day was Children’s Day. Back then, life was simple. My family did not have much but life was good. We lived in an attap house that leaked whenever it rained but our spirits were never dampened. There were ‘rainy’ days, ups and downs, and joy and tears.

But one thing stayed anchored in my mind about my childhood days: Laughter.

I don’t remember how it started or when but I have always believed that there should be laughter in the house. And this became a little more wide spread when it invaded my school and social life, and eventually, my work place.

Laughter needs to be shared. It creates the ‘E’ factor in life, bringing enjoyment to the situations we are facing and what we are doing. And when it is shared, it bonds and adds to the relationship with a multiplier effect that help etched in the mind the feeling of lightness and pleasure. That’s why I choose to include laughter in my daily walk…appropriately.

‘Appropriately’? That’s the issue with most of us actually. Growing up, we adults somehow lost the innocence of being childlike. We begin to question and redefine the rules, placing new boundaries around ourselves, and putting up fences that trap that simple chuckle or the odd burst of laughter. Very often, we stop being childlike and we wonder why there is no enjoyment.

When my children arrived, they have since added on much laughter into my life. They are a blessing in many ways and one of which was to bring back that childlike fun at home. They enabled me to chuckle and be entertained. They helped me to play like one of them, laughing and enjoying the times together. They showed me how to take pleasure in those quiet moments we shared with a little bit of laughter embracing us.

Children are a blessing. Everyone needs to know that, especially the little ones themselves.

They need to know that they have brought with them laughter and enjoyment fresh from heaven where they were awesomely made for the special couple that receives them. They need to know that they are neither inconveniences nor the complications added to life. They need to know that they are worth much more than other relegated priorities or interests. They need to know that they are loved in the language they understand – especially the language of laughter.

Children are a blessing to be enjoyed. Everyone needs to know that, especially parents and custodians of these heaven’s treasures.

My wife and I are blessed that our children have brought lots of laughter into our lives, and we are glad that in our own ways as parents, we have brought laughter into their lives as well. Our children have enriched us in ways that we could never have, taught us things that helped us grow, and revealed to us the love of God when He gave us them.

On this special day, I wish my children and all children (including childlike ones above the age of 12) a very happy Children’s Day.

Remaining Childlike through the Magic of Laughter…

Brandon Pek
011010

There is no way I am referring to my birthday! It is my wedding anniversary. My wife and I have been married for sixteen great years but honestly, very often it seemed like only yesterday that we got married but our growing up children constantly remind us that the years had rolled by.

This year’s anniversary would be the first time my wife and I are spending this very significant occasion apart. But the physical distance could do nothing to take the sweetness out of the great memories of the road we had traveled together, the “high and the higher” moments that defined our married years, and the romance that will continue to thrive in our oneness!

Before she left for her working trip last Sunday, we brought our children out for dinner the previous evening to mark this anniversary. After all these years, this is the first time we involved them in our celebrations. And frankly, why not involve them! Little by little, bit by bit, they should know more and more about their parents’ love story.

When it comes to sharing with them, I have to admit that I am not articulate…but my wife is and I gladly let her be the story teller. In fact, I enjoyed how she would remember the little things and relating with much expression, sprinkling the stories with ‘animation’ that allured me to her. I could only smile with slight bashfulness whenever the little details showed too much of the soft side of the macho me!

Last night, we were online sharing about our respective day, and started talking about our ‘sweet sixteen’ anniversary. It was great to remember how we first fell in love, the one year preparation for the wedding, getting ready the matrimonial home and the many loving memories together.

Our first born arrived about three years after we got married, with our second child arriving two years after her brother. The plan then was to spend the first 1-2 years together before planning for our children. Some may call this an adjustment period, while others may see this as sound planning since it would take that much time or longer to build the financial nest to start a family.

For us, this was important because we wanted to devote the time to enjoy each other and build our lives as one before the children come.

Marriage is not about two persons spending their lives together. It’s about living as one. And when that becomes a reality, parenting takes a different dimension. It is no longer a partnership between two but a single stewardship for the heaven’s treasures that are bestowed upon the marriage. This is when a family is born.

Our children are precious and important to us, and so is our marriage. They need to hear our love story as much as we need to remind each other the first time we fell in love and the many memories that we built together.

While we emphasize to our children the need to have family time, both of us do not forget that we need to also spend time with each other. Dating does not have to end at marriage but should continue endlessly. In fact, this should be part of the wedding vow if I can add to the script.

Next week, my wife and I have already agreed to get away for a nice dinner together, just the two of us, to remember our wedding day. No, it will not be at the humble Kopitiam Food Court (KFC). Neither will it be the posh restaurant at the tallest hotel in the world. The point is about making the effort to be together at that special place that one would bring his/her dearest date in the world to.

While the sweet memories of the years passed will bring the warm feelings of love to our hearts, my wife and I remind ourselves that what we build together today and everyday following will be the loving reminiscences to be savored in the future, turning even an ordinary moment into a special time.

To my married readers, may you and your special one remember your first time falling in love and make it a reality everyday that follows. To my unmarried readers, may you find that someone to build your future with…just remember to include the ‘promise to date’ in your wedding vows.

To my wife and the love of my life: a very ‘sweet sixteen’ anniversary. Our children and especially I look forward to your safe return this weekend to where you belong.

Renewing my wedding vow…love always.

Brandon Pek
240910